A hard look inward

I would like to dedicate this post to my friends; both those from my youth as well as the ones I have made recently. Please read through this post, I will try to keep it concise and not to ramble.

After starting this improvement kick back in July, I have been looking at myself and trying to see what works and what about me needs improvement. In a recent conversation with my closest friend, my wife, we started discussing our family, friends, and support network. It is at this point that we made the realization that my wife and I, each in our different ways, push people away from us. At the very least, we isolate ourselves. Sometimes we do this on purpose, but most often we would do it without even realizing we do it. So as the conversation continued, we realized that if truth be told, we are not really good friends (to other people), and we are not sure how to be really good friends (to others). So here goes nothing.

As Lucy once told Charlie Brown "the fact that you are aware that you have a problem means you are not too far gone." I have realize that I am not a good friend to those I would consider my friend. I am VERY sorry! Not only am I not (and have not been) a good friend.but I don't know how to do it either. This is a bit embarrassing because I have been a counselor and have a degree in psychology. Yet this particular seemingly simple social construct gives me a lot of trouble. I have tried to be a good friend to others, but I feel that I have failed in how to do that. Now when I examine myself and my relationships, it is clear that I have messed up and not been successful in fostering relationships.

To those who are close to me and my family, I would like to take this time to say THANK YOU. I am not an easy person to get to know, even harder to get close to. To all of those who consider me a close friend, I am sorry I have made it difficult but I am very thankful for your friendship. Especially to those who have maintained this friendship even when you were no physically located close by. I do not deserve you but I am thankful for you.

With that being said, I am going to try to be a better friend and will do what I can to learn what I need to be closer. Since the conversation, we have been trying to be better friends and do things that would bring us closer to others.