Last year in review

So as I look back on the last year, my family has continued to go through all kinds of changes. Back in June, we moved from our home county, and a town we had lived in since our first year of marriage, to live closer to where my wife and I both work (a neighboring county). With that, we were able to save a little on some of our utilities, a little on gas as well as wear & tear on our vehicles. Doing so allowed us to pay off some debt and get in a better financial situation. However, we have come to realize that all of the things we care about most (family, friends, church, etc.) are back in our home town. So shortly after we moved, we also realized we missed our home.

My son started school! He DID NOT LIKE IT. At least at first. My son, much like myself, tends to like to do his own thing. He enjoys playing with others and being around others to an extent but it does not take him long to begin to want to do his own playing. We struggled the first month or so of school. Cyrus would be dropped off, which was dreadful. He would kick and scream and cry. We struggled to get him to complete his homework. He knew what to do, but just did not want to do it, taking every amount of time at home to complete simple stuff and then he would be upset because by the time we were able to push him through it, it would be dinner time or bed time. Cyrus would ride the bus to my wife's school and she would get him off the bus and bring him home with her as they would most of the time be done before I was off work. This continued for a while. We realized that most of my son's problems were stemming from anxiety he has. My son gets anxious about random things on a regular basis. Due to my background in psychology as well as my wife's experience dealing with anxious individuals, we were able to make it somewhat better, helping him to cope and engineering what we could to prevent these things. God saw fit to bless us at this point. I am thankful for the YMCA of Pulaski's after-school enrichment program. We let Cyrus start staying for this, and he became a whole new child. In this program, for a small fee, they have supervision after school until 6pm. They first get help with their homework, pairing older children as mentors to younger children as well as having adult staff to help. Once they complete their homework, they are then allowed to play games and enjoy themselves with others. This has been perfect for Cyrus. His attitude and behavior has improved dramatically with this. One day I went to pick him up a little early due to having gotten off work early. He asked me to come back and get him because he was having fun. We now have to pick him up between 5:30 and 6 because he enjoys it so much. That has given Sarah and I time to get stuff done (grocery store, gym, chores, etc.) that is difficult when we have him. He is happy getting to play with other children as well. He now likes going to school and enjoys it. So, now in March of his Kindergarten year of school, he is happy.

With the help of my in-laws, we were able to take Cyrus to the most "Magical Place on Earth" back in September. That's right, we took him to Disney for a week. He did not know where we were going until we drove toward Magic Kingdom. He saw a Mickey on a sign and pointed it out. So we then proceeded to tell him that the adventure we were taking him on was to go to Disney World. Here we are in March of the following year, and I am not sure who enjoyed it more between my son and my wife. They are already thinking about what they want to do when we go back, and I hoping to be able to go again next year (2020).

We have already scheduled our vacation for 2019. We are going to Myrtle Beach, our typical fallback vacation spot, and stay in the house of my wife's great aunt. There is a water park next door to it we get to go to for free so Cyrus has a good time.

But the most exciting bit of news that is happening is that Sarah and I are in the process of purchasing our first home. We found a place we could afford back in our old home town. It is an older house but it seems to be just what we are looking for in terms of necessities and neighborhood.  We are very excited about it and should be closing on it in the next two weeks. Wish us luck as we start the new adventure as homeowners.

Here we go again...

So it is now April of 2018. I had stopped the Keto Diet back in the middle of October for two reasons: 1. I was not keen on trying to buy new clothes at the point in time, since I had just rediscovered clothes I could now fit into. 2. I was going to be miserable trying to save money through the holidays and maintain Keto Diet. I know others have reported otherwise, but for me, buying Keto groceries was not cheap. I was buying a lot more meats and trying to avoid processed foods. Trying to buy fresh whenever possible is a challenge, especially in the Winter months. The price tends to go up because we can't buy local this time of year. It also didn't help that due to weather and current working conditions, we were not able to get to the grocery store as often. This made it a little more tricky to buy foods that were not preserved in some fashion or that were not easy and quick to prepare.

Since, I had gained back all of the weight I had worked to lose. One odd side effect however is that I didn't gain it back in the same places. For instance, I had started losing inches around my waist and thighs when I went on Keto back in July '17. As I have gained the weight back, I am still able to wear many of the clothes that I did back when I completed the diet. It was very odd. I seem to have gained more in my midsection this time. With that, I started again in April to do the Keto Diet. I have already started to lose again, but I have found that it is not as quickly as I saw results before the first time I was on this diet. I have heard that this can sometimes happen. So with that, I am attempting to increase my activity level. I have been working out at home every other evening with weights. I have also been using my child kinda like a medicine ball. He loves being picked up and jostled around which also allows me to spend time with him and play with him while taking care of my own body at the same time. Win win!

Something else to reports is that my family is moving from our current home into a house closer to our jobs. Our current commute is 32 minutes for me (minus the time to drop off and check my son into daycare) and is 40 minutes for my wife depending on traffic. We have been very fortunate to be able to car pool a lot so that we can save on wear and tear as well as fuel for one of our vehicles. We have found a place near to our works. This will allow us to save a lot on our vehicles. I will have a 3 minute commute and my wife will have a 10 minute commute. I am also considering walking most days, which will help me to get my exercise in while commuting to work. We have found that the amount of money we will save on gas will be significant. Not to mention that my son will start Kindergarten this fall, so as of June we will be saving the monthly cost of daycare for my son, which runs us about the same as we are currently paying in rent. So in terms of our financial goals, it looks like we should be able to really start paying down debt and saving some money. I am excited but moving is going to be such a chore. This is the longest my wife and I have loved together in one location, so it has been a while since we have moved, and it will be the first time doing so with a child. Wish us luck as we continue to attempt to improve.

A hard look inward

I would like to dedicate this post to my friends; both those from my youth as well as the ones I have made recently. Please read through this post, I will try to keep it concise and not to ramble.

After starting this improvement kick back in July, I have been looking at myself and trying to see what works and what about me needs improvement. In a recent conversation with my closest friend, my wife, we started discussing our family, friends, and support network. It is at this point that we made the realization that my wife and I, each in our different ways, push people away from us. At the very least, we isolate ourselves. Sometimes we do this on purpose, but most often we would do it without even realizing we do it. So as the conversation continued, we realized that if truth be told, we are not really good friends (to other people), and we are not sure how to be really good friends (to others). So here goes nothing.

As Lucy once told Charlie Brown "the fact that you are aware that you have a problem means you are not too far gone." I have realize that I am not a good friend to those I would consider my friend. I am VERY sorry! Not only am I not (and have not been) a good friend.but I don't know how to do it either. This is a bit embarrassing because I have been a counselor and have a degree in psychology. Yet this particular seemingly simple social construct gives me a lot of trouble. I have tried to be a good friend to others, but I feel that I have failed in how to do that. Now when I examine myself and my relationships, it is clear that I have messed up and not been successful in fostering relationships.

To those who are close to me and my family, I would like to take this time to say THANK YOU. I am not an easy person to get to know, even harder to get close to. To all of those who consider me a close friend, I am sorry I have made it difficult but I am very thankful for your friendship. Especially to those who have maintained this friendship even when you were no physically located close by. I do not deserve you but I am thankful for you.

With that being said, I am going to try to be a better friend and will do what I can to learn what I need to be closer. Since the conversation, we have been trying to be better friends and do things that would bring us closer to others.

It's beginning to Look Like Christmas

When I was younger, I can remember the feeling I would get around Christmas time. The expectation of family meals and seeing relatives, the activities that surrounded it at school and at church, and the presents. As I grew older and began to learn the real meaning behind it and experience the truth of what Christmas is all about, these traditions became much richer in terms of what they would offer a person. The purpose of the Holiday family meals began to give them more value. Seeing relatives that you don't see as often would help you reconnect to people who love you, even those who may only love you because they are obligated by genetic disposition to love you (love you only because you are family). The ways you celebrate and the things you are celebrating are felt more deeply as you mature. Yes, and even the most shallow of traditions gains in meaning as you learn to enjoy giving as much (or more so) as receiving.

In my past, I had experiences that cause Christmas, holidays, and being around family to be more of a hassle than a joy. It came to the point that Christmas was something I dread, I was expected to do more and more each year and having trouble living up to expectations. Christmas became something for me to get through, some kind of large chore to complete. Due to personal loss, Christmas also became a reminder of what and who I had lost in my life. I began to see it as something I did not enjoy. I tried my best to avoid ruining others joy in the holidays but I am aware that I even put a hamper on those around me that I care for most. Even the presents had lost their appeal in that I was not giving to others and those who gave to me were trying to do so with little knowledge of myself. This was not their fault, however, because I did not express myself or put myself out there for others.

So in the spirit of trying to improve myself, my wife and I attempted to adopt the excitement that our little one has had about Christmas since before Halloween. So once Thanksgiving was taken care of this year, we decided to get the Christmas decorations out and started moving furniture in living room to make a place for our Christmas tree. By the end of the weekend after Thanksgiving, We had completed our Christmas shopping for our son, I had completed my shopping for my wife, and we had put up our indoor Christmas decorations, including our Christmas tree in the living room and we decided to decorate our old 3ft tree in our son's room. I say this as not to brag, but rather to show how you can act your way in to new ways of thinking, just as you can think your way into new ways of acting. It started off as a "fake it until you make it" type thing. Before the weekend was over, we were watching Christmas movies and getting excited for Christmas events. We even started singing Christmas carols in spite of being a staunch critic of the radio stations that started their wall to wall Christmas formats two weeks ago (I'm talking about you, Q99). My wife and I have started to get really into the Christmas spirit. Now, we were not so bold as to try to venture out on the stores on Black Friday. However, due to being on a savings kick, I lost my taste for shopping at physical retailers because I get frustrated when I don't see exactly what I am looking for and wasting the time and expense of going to these stores when I could have found it online with little effort and time wasted.

I am excited about Christmas this year. I am looking forward to trying to make Christmas something very special for my young one, which will make it something very special for me again. I am very thankful for everything I've been blessed with and I hope that I can be a blessing to others.

First Month Progress

Here is the progress report for one month into our revitalization. 

There has been progress I am happy to report. Let’s begin with the more mundane but often more compelling statistic; finances.

I recently read a report about how that they have officially declared that 50% of the world’s wealth is in the hands of 1% of the population. A sickening thought even for those who love free market economy. It also went on to say that Millennials (such as me) are in a position where we make up the majority of those who are in the poorest categories, having more disadvantages toward increasing our wealth. I am 32 and I have been living paycheck to paycheck for all the time I have supported myself completely. I have tried to change this fact, but due to circumstances and poor decision (yes, I admit I have made poor decisions due in part to ignorance and lack of experience) I never seem to stop slipping up. During this year, I have worked very hard to begin to change this.  Starting in January of this year, I began the best paying job I have had along with having good benefits.  I have very good health insurance in an age where health care is not only expensive, but health insurance is mandated.  I have been able to consolidate my considerable student loan debt and have begun to pay this back. So last month I geared up to start saving and having more income leftover so that I could pay toward debt. We started by making a budget and trying to cut our spending where we could. Fortunately for my wife and me, we can carpool to work most days, which is a 35-40 minute drive one way for each of us. This basically cuts the amount of gas we use each day in half when we are able to do this. We started clipping coupons and buying groceries based on sales. My wife and I are looking at ways to make extra money on the side. We created a budget using Mint.com and I used it to keep track of our purchases. I am happy to report that our money management efforts for this month were very successful. With the exception of our Netflix bill (due to odd months having different amounts of days, our bill has moved from being at the first day of a month to the last day of a month), we have paid all our bills for the month of November. 

When the month started, we had only a little bit of cash that I had not already put toward debt. I put the remaining amount toward credit card balance. I paid my bills upfront for the first half of the month, and figured a small percentage of my income (starting at 5%) that I would split between savings and paying toward debt. I was able to do that and still had quite a bit left over due to the savings efforts my wife and I have put into effect. I was able to give more toward my church than I have in the past with additional left over. I had always been taught that in my faith that if you put your faith in God and trust Him, he will take care of you. I am seeing it first-hand. My goal is to increase that percentage by one percent each month. Now, we didn’t cut spending in certain categories as much as we could have, but that will be our goal for next month.

I have been trying to increase the amount of time I spend studying the Bible and trying to do be more prayerful. I have found that this has helped my emotional awareness and helping me to be more loving to others. This is probably the most helpful thing I can suggest to those who are looking to improve themselves. There is a Christian song that paraphrases an old Gandhi saying: “If I want to change my world, I gotta change me.”  I am open to God working in and through my life.

I have been reading more often than I had in the past. With the increased focus on saving, I have been reading a lot about personal finance and investing. I have also been trying to read more for leisure as well. When I don’t have time to sit down and read print, either physical or digital, I put on the  audio books (a note to all you haters who turn their nose down at audio books, I can read the same books you can while doing laundry, washing dishes, and even driving to work – beat that!) I have found that I am not watching as much television as I used to due to reading or listening to books. Conventional wisdom tells me that this is a good thing.

At work, we had a health fair where they tested my cholesterol level, my sugar levels, my blood pressure and made recommendations on them. Now, a year ago I had a migraine and went to the doctor. My blood pressure was so high they gave me medicine and kept me there until it had come down. The last time I went to a doctor’s office (January of this year) I had high blood pressure. Now when they checked it this time, they asked if I had taken a decongestant that morning, which I had. They said that the higher than normal reading for BP could be explained by that and that it was not much higher than it should be. Yay me! Going from a less stressful job has already paid off on my health. My glucose level was low and they asked me if I had eaten anything that morning. In fact I ate a fruit rollup about an hour and a half before going on top of the breakfast I had that morning. My cholesterol levels where perfect. I was in good shape. I am down 35 lbs from what I was at the end of summer, so things are good.

So this is the progress made so far. 

Six of one, Half dozen of another

So as I have previously stated, I am trying to improve my self, across the board. So I have created a budget to monitor my household spending and look for ways to improve and save. I am also looking at ways to earn additional income. This means I am stepping up my focus on trying to do computer work on the side as well as anything else that might pay a little extra. I have started grocery shopping around sales, as well as using coupons. I found myself enjoying the Sunday newspaper in addition to the coupons that were in it. I am not as adept at using coupons as some are. I don't like begging, haggling, or hustling to get cheaper things, so I am trying to do it the best I can. 

I used www.mint.com to create a household budget as well as keeping trying of bills and spending. I HIGHLY recommend checking it out. It is from the same people who make Quickbooks and TurboTax. Mint is free and you can do so much with it. You can download the app for your smartphone to help keep up with things when on the go. It truly is helping up keep up with bills and budgets.

Previously I had wrote how I was on a diet (Keto Diet) and how it was working well. It worked so well in fact that between July 24th, 2017-October 18th, 2017, I went from weighing more than 312 LBS to weighing about 280 lbs. I went down almost 3 pant sizes. I was running out of clothes (pants specifically) that fit. I really didn't want to buy new clothes, especially since I was trying to save money and decrease spending, so I decided to stop the Keto Diet. It has been about 2 weeks and I am still limiting the amount of carbohydrates I eat to a lower number and eating healthier foods. I find myself eating less now. Also, by not eating Keto, I have been able to save some on my grocery bill. Keto can be a little more expensive, at least for us, because we were buying so much perishable foods and less canned or processed foods. This makes it harder to buy in bulk and you are subject to prices instead of what is on sale.

I am reading books on investment and personal finance, trying to learn more about money and how it works, as well as ways to make it more manageable. I am reading more, including newspapers, blogs, eBooks, audio books, as well as traditional hard and soft backs. I am watching less TV. I know that sounds crazy. You are thinking, "Well duh. You don't have time with working and reading more." But the funny thing is that I don't desire to watch TV as much. Don't get me wrong, I still like all the same shows, movies, and other things, It is just not as important/necessary as it has been. Many of you who already understand what I am saying probably don't think about it as a big deal but for someone who is an auditory learner, who has prided himself on watching movies multiple times and loving films, I have found that I am becoming more selective with my time when watching television.

So moving forward, I have a few things I am focusing on as goals. I am working to pay down some debt as well as begin to start saving more. I will be looking for opportunities to work and get extra income, 100% of which will go toward this. If you know of anyone who is looking for some work done, feel free to send them my way. Also, if you know of anyone that is looking for some computer repair, maintenance, or needs website work done, send them my way. 

dustinqjones@gmail.com

To lose is my gain

Since about July 24th, I have been on a diet. I have had a few days where I did not keep to it but for the most part I have been very good about sticking to it. The Ketogenic Diet. On the surface it seems easy enough. But there are some things you don't expect when you go on it. Let me attempt to sum up the diet quickly. It is basically a way to get your body to run on fat instead of carbohydrates. You lower the amount of carbohydrates you take in per day to an amount MOST people are not used to (I do 20 net carbs). You avoid sugar as much as possible. You keep the amount of protein that you consume to a minimal level (unless you are doing considerable weight lifting). Here is this part that is different, you make up for all these by increasing the amount of fat you consume in your food. This will help you to feel full. Sounds easy enough.

The problem is that we as a country have been hooked on sugar for a long time. It is so ingrained in the way we eat overall that you probably don't even realize how much sugar is in everything you consume. When you start looking at how many carbs are in the foods we take for granted, you start to see how it would be easy to gain weight or have a problem with sugar. I try to stay under 20 net carbs a day. A 12oz can of soda; 36 carbs. Things like this blew my mind. So if you drink a 24 oz soda, you would have 3 days worth of carbs on this diet. How full are you after drinking a bottle of soda?  It is crazy. What makes it harder, for me at least, is that I enjoy the foods with carbs. I enjoy a soda. Even though it is bad for me. I was fortunate because I gave up soda about a month before I started the Keto diet. I feel that would have been the biggest hurtle for me. Not to mention that I have a sweet tooth (much like others in my family). It makes it hard to go into a store when you are bombarded with choices that are filled to the brim with high fructose corn syrup or some other form of sweetener.

However, let me say that this diet DOES work. In the time that I write this, I have dropped 2 pants sizes and the current one is very loose on me. I am in the market for a new belt (or about to make new holes because I ran our of holes to tighten). I'm about half a size away from the next size down on my pants. I have had to pull clothes that I had planned to donate because they were too small so I would have some clothes that fit better. I do not sit hungry throughout the day (as with a lot of other diets). I do get hungry but I can go longer between meals. One day I had to work a lot of hours and visit sick relatives and I only ate at 7:00am not eating again until 1:00am the next night (about 18 hours) and only had water to drink. From what I have read, this diet will work even faster if I increased the amount of activity that I am able to do. This has been tricky due to taking the time not being very convenient.

So the next step in my improvement will be to increase my activity. I had attempted to run in the mornings at the end of the summer. This was working until I overdid it and hurt my foot. This got me out of the habit and caused me to not get started again. I have put together some things to make my own "backyard weight room"; a sledge hammer, a couple 5 gallon water jugs. I need to get some heavy chains and an old tractor tire which will give me plenty of stuff to work with. If you know where someone might acquire those for little to no money, please let me know.